Blake's Corner: Are We There Yet?

Anyone who has kids and has been on a road trip has been asked this question: are we there yet? It's typically asked about the time that exhaustion has kicked in and the destination still seems far away. Sometimes it's even asked not long long into the trip, before any real progress is made. The question is so universal, that it has become a societal joke. A knowing chuckle that it is not a question of if someone will ask "the question", but more a question of when.

Now let's apply this question to our mental health journey. How many times have you asked yourself, "are we there yet"? This is a perfectly reasonable question -- is this bumpy ride filled with the ups and downs of anxiety and depression can feel unbearable. We simply want the trip to be over, so we can get on with our "real lives". What we want more than ever is to achieve that state of nirvana known as "happiness".

Why does that happiness seem so elusive though. Some days it feels like it is in reach, a stone's throw away. Other days, you can't even see the tower of joy through all the clouds and it seems there is still many moons to travel. The reason for this can be found in the human perspective. Much like on a family road trip, we are expecting to arrive at destination, get out of the car, and spend some time there before we have to trap ourselves in a vehicle for however many more hours. The destination is the reprieve from the mundanity of the humming of the car wheels.

Happiness, and mental health in general, don't operate under the same conditions as a family road trip. First and foremost, quality mental health is a journey, not a destination. Most of us never reach a point where we feel satisfied and think that we have enough. We chase that money, that house, that car, that significant other because we feel that "it" is the missing piece to our happiness puzzle. Then we become disenchanted and disappointed when it does not serve as the salve we had hoped.

"Are we there yet?" is not the question we want to be asking on a mental health journey because the answer is no. Today, tomorrow, the day after that we are going to wake up and make choices that will impact our overall satisfaction. Each day brings new challenges, and we can only hope that we have the tools, resources, and support to find the mental strength and clarity that we need.

The better question for us to be asking is "how far have we come?" Our constant focus on being present, living in the moment, and making the right choices today doesn't always afford us the opportunity to look back on our progress. Are you the same person you were a month ago? How about a year ago? 5 years ago? 10 years ago?

So much can happen in those time frames, including incredible growth and change. If you find yourself wondering where your happiness prize is, remind yourself that the happiness is all around you. It is found in a quiet conversation, a get together with friends, a good book, or even a cup of coffee. Look back on your life to times when even those simple joys might have felt out of reach. Give yourself some credit for the distance you have traveled. Finally, give yourself some grace for not being where you think you should be.

The ongoing practice of mindfulness, the expression of gratitude, the investment in building strong relationships will work together to snowball towards a life of continuous improvement. That is the road trip, the journey that we are all on. So the answer to your question - "are we there yet?" No, we've just gotten started and there is still so much to see and do. Don't be in a hurry to cross a goal post that keeps moving. Enjoy the hear and the now, as that is where the "happiness" and joy can be found. Embrace the journey that you are on, not a final destination.

Please take care of yourselves and each other. It's important that we have each other's backs on this journey of life.

Blake